Sister and I took the children to a hotel an hour from home. We came because they have an indoor pool. And because there is no laundry or dishes and someone else is making the beds! I love made beds. We read magazines, they swim and we all eat. EB and J (Sister's son) were pretending they were vegetables cooking in a pot when they were in the hot tub - gross. H.O. says the painting on the walls makes him really feel like he's at the beach - wonder if I could take him to the Disney store instead of Disney world? This mini trip works because it's a cheap get away that the kids LOVE and all we do is relax! And make sure no one drowns.

Merry Christmas 2010

I sure hope gas @ the dentist isn't a gateway drug...

Dressing For The Season



Shug takes terrible pictures.



My mom always dressed for the season.  She had long denim jumpers with Santa on the chest, sweaters with pumkins and black cats, turtle necks with candy canes or hearts or bunnies all over them.  She always wanted to dress the part.  Me,  not so much. So the other day my dad brought over a HUGE box of my mothers Christmas clothes.  He said he thought me and Sister might like to wear some of them.  Really?  Does he have us confused with someone else's daughters - like the Duggars maybe.  Anyway, I washed all of them (because the smelled like moth balls which is so my mom's style) and when Sister came over we played dress up.  We dressed ourselves in the clothes and then the children. Then Shug took our picture, which we plan to send to my mom's three dear cousins.  These are the cousins that she grew up with and was very close to.   After that I had been unable to figure out what to do with them.  I couldn't get myself to donate them, and I sure couldn't wear them and maintain my hip mom status (in my own head).  I finally came up with the BEST idea ever.  Sometimes I can't believe myself and my great ideas.  This weekend I took them to a lady who is going to make a quilt out of them.  I am going to give my sister the quilt for Christmas.  She will  love it.  The clothes have made us laugh so much.  And now our kids can look at the quilt, we can all lay under it, and the dorky sweet Christmas clothes will stay with us. And there won't be anything dorky about them. 

The quilt lady has great prices, ships anywhere, usually finishes in 1 week and can turn anything into a quilt.  It's not just for dead peoples clothes. Concert tee shirts, college shirts, hats, baby clothes, anything.  I'm a bit obsessed right now with what all I can turn into quilts.

Jamaica: Part 1

This is an old draft I found from 11-2009 and am publishing it now - just because...
Jamaica.  There is so much to say about it I'm not sure where to begin.  First I have to say that since the only person I can be assured will read this is me that I am writing so that I never forget what happened.  There are a few others who sometimes read and I'm pretty sure from reading their blogs that they won't be offended by what I write so here goes it.

We arrived in Negril and went to our first hotel, Blue Caves Castle.   This was a great place to stay while our friends were in town because it was like having your own hotel.  The staff was great, the price was unbeatable, the whole place was groovy and the view was beautiful!   

We had scored Red Stripe and Ganga by this time so it was just a matter of unpacking and getting started.  I must say that my decision to smoke out was out of respect for Jamaica in general...When in Rome! We got settled and started in on the party.  When we were sufficiently out of our minds we headed to Chicken Lavish  for some Jerk chicken. Good food, strong drinks and interesting staff made this a place we returned to again.  We then took a taxi to the beach ($ .60 American) and wandered up and down the beach to the different bars.  When I say beach bar I do mean sand under the feet.  It was wonderful.  In the bars no one bothered us but every time we set foot away from the bar and started walking people came out of the wood work to offer us drugs.  They always went for Mr. Shug first, calling out "Gray Mon" then listing off what drugs they had.  He has salt and pepper hair, hence Gray Mon, but we never figured out what made him get offered more than anyone else.  They swarmed him.  The entire trip it was like this.  We laughed about it a lot (because it wasn't happening to us) and Shug at one point said that a man can only take so much before he breaks down and buys even if he hadn't planned on it.  So that is our lesson in peer pressure, not that they were his peers, but still.  I think he got so much action because he looked like some dude from the 70's looking for a good time. He disagrees. Part 2 coming soon.

Celebrating

What I Am Celebrating:

• A year without cigarettes.   I feel like a total badass! I am amazed and proud and, it seems, a bit boastful!

What I Am Not Celebrating:

• My ass has gotten bigger, my jeans a bit tighter and my face just a tad rounder.  Dammit. 

I had my Well Woman visit today. My doctor was so proud of me for quiting smoking and then gave me a talk about the weight I had gained.  She didn't go for my suggestion of taking up the smoking again to get the weight off.  Hmmmmm...  I then told her I was open to any suggestions she might have other than surgery, working out or cutting back on my intake.  Her response - "Hope you like tight jeans."  What I like is a doctor with quick wit and a bit of sass. 

I also had my mammogram and the last time someone squeezed my boobs that hard I was 15.  I do have to say that it was as good an experience as a mammogram could be.  I'm now in the age category of women who needs to have one a year. 

I'm thinking about adding a section to my blog for all the post that never got published - I have so many that I never finished, or I thought sounded to lame to post, or I got nervous someone I knew would read it, or for whatever crazy reason I more or less chickened out of publishing them.  Maybe I'll call it the chicken files...


                                                                   

Big Big Weekend

I had a very large weekend.  I think I'm about back to normal but yesterday was devoted to detox and recovery.  My play by play:

Heading to taco bar!

Saturday:

9: am - Off to Randall's house for Girls Day and Night

                We (the usual girls weekend girls) started with Mimosas and Randall's house then headed to Ikea.  Because most good women need a drink for tackling that place.  After some serious but speedy shopping we headed home.  2:30 We hit the backyard and relaxed with drinks, music and some oh so special baked goods.  My main drink for the afternoon was Pink Panties -  this is a really fun drink to be making because you can keep asking your friends if they want to try your pink panties! Pink Panties ~ vodka, soda and a splash of cranberry = yum 5:30 Left house in cab for delish local taco  & tequila bar 8:00 back in backyard for some more fun  9:00 I say "Oh my god, what time is it?" It felt so late!  We were all in bed by 11:30 -

Dallas Cowboys game

Sunday 7: am Woke up, showered and headed to my house.  8:45 left for a pre game gathering for the Dallas Cowboys Game.  11:00 Arrived at Suite @ Cowboy Stadium.  Ate, drank and watched the game.  Super fun.  And they won which is a miracle in itself.  5:00 Left game and headed home. 

Sunday Evening 6:30 Walked across the street and got in a 15 passenger van that our friends had rented and went to hear Roger Waters perform The Wall Live.  12:30 Back Home -  laughing, and rummaging around the kitchen.  It was a really good night.

The Wall Live 11-2010

One Glass At A Time

We got a Breville BJE510XL juicer! It is amazing.  To quote the website "Breville Ikon Multi-Speed Juice Fountain, is 900 watts of juicing power for the more serious juicing crowd". For those that know me, I am not a super serious health nut and I have never even thought of becoming part of the "serious juicing crowd".  I didn't even know that crowd existed.  Shug was asking for a juicer this summer which I conveniently ignored, mainly because I didn't want another appliance that I didn't think we would use much. Later this summer my dear friend/neighbor, Meg,  got a juicer and before I knew it my kids were at her house making and drinking super healthy veggie and fruit juice.  Long story short - I bought a juicer and it rocks.  You don't have to peel pretty much anything except citrus and some very hard skinned fruits - think pineapple and mango. This feature alone makes it  user friendly.

 Making a big, yummy, healthy glass of juice for the whole family involves these steps:

1. I washed apples, carrots, and kale                                     
2. I peeled some oranges and bananas
3. I pulled the stems off the apples
4. The boy stuck the fruit into the fruit pipe (not it's real name) while I made breakfast
5. Tadaaaa! You have a pitcher of pulp free delish juice.  Just like that.  So easy a 7 yr old can do it. 

So as we're all drinking our juice this morning I had this vision of my family slowly climbing our way up the food pyramid towards the fruit and vegetable section.  I have tried to feed my family a pretty healthy diet, which was much easier before they were 5.  The truth is it's just not that easy.  I am feeling really good about the juicer and the changes it can bring to our health.  It came with a manual which has recipes and ideas of what to do with all that pulp.  Tonight when I make lasagna I am going to put the carrot pulp from this mornings juice in it.  We'll see how that goes.  I also think I might be just a bit obsessed right now with it, which isn't necessarily a bad thing!

I bought  mine from Amazon, because it rocks and has free shipping!

I did not receive a single kick back from Breville for this post - but I would have had they offered.

It's my Birthday and My Governor Sucks

Bozo the Clown Rick Perry was reelected as Governor of my state.  This is his 3rd term and I'm not sure how we survived the first 2.  I cannot believe that the people of my state would let this happen. I'm saddened and sick about it.  I could go on and on her listing all the crazy things he has done but then I would risk depressing my 4 readers.  Now on to better things -



My first day of 41



Today is my 41st Birthday! I have to admit it is not nearly as exciting as my 40th but is is wonderful all the same. I'm healthy, my family is healthy, I don't look like a lot of 40 year olds I know, my marriage is good and I am happy.  I asked to have my Cruiser bike souped up for my b-day and that is exactly what I got.  This morning my bike was in the dinning room and now sports a head light and tail light so I can ride home from the bar safely. I am so jazzed about this.  

I just spent the last 5 minutes trying to get a picture of myself with the Skype camera - I suck at this. 

Have a great day - I plan to!



Being Hunted At Sleep Away Camp



The Ranch as I was driving up Saturday eveining.

 This past Saturday after the kids had finished their sports we dropped them off at Sister's and headed to the airport.  We caught a 45 minute flight south,  landed and drove 35 miles outside of town to a ranch.  It was a friends 40th birthday and several of us gathered to celebrate.  The ranch is large (most things are in South Texas), there were mules to drive (think golf cart with bad ass engine and souped up tires), a million rocking chairs around a big fire pit, outdoor kitchen and two bunkhouses.  This is the fun part - the girls stayed in one bunkhouse and the boys in another! It was fantastic. There was also a band.  Most of the guys, except the band, had been there before and it was the first time for the women.  After much food and drinks, and maybe some unmentionables, we loaded up in the mules and truck and headed out for a little hide and seek and buzzed driving. Apparently, this is what the guys do all the time when they are there.  One or two vehicles drive off and hide while the others count to 1000, or wait about 5-10 minutes, then the seeking begins.  It was so much fun.  Pitch dark with nothing around for miles, very quiet (except for random drunk "wahoos"), and the feeling of being hunted.  I'm afraid reading this it might not sound as exciting as it was, but the feeling of hiding in the dark, buzzed, wondering if someone is going to find you is very exhilarating. I mean, I'm sure it wouldn't be great if you were a criminal, or being hunted by a boogie man, but these were pretty cute boys that are really funny and know how to party.  The perfect combination.  Later, back around the fire, the band played, drunk people sang along, there was some dancing, and lots of happiness going around.  Shug has been friends with these guys since 1989 when he was a freshmen in college.  I love that they are still hanging out having a good time - and I'm especially glad that they have all grown up to be respectable, successful men that still know how to party and play hide and seek and have a good time!  Also, I did learn a few things that I plan to incorporate into my next girls weekend... hide and seek hunting.

Discrimination at the Fun Park

Sister and I took the children to Six Flags today. It was Fright Fest which means it was decorated for Halloween and there were ghouls walking around. The kids couldn't have been more jazzed.  We had been on a few rides, the swings, the big boat thing that swings back and forth, just working the kids up to the roller coasters.  We picked the Run Away Mine Train as the first one to take the kids on.  We love this one, we rode it when we were kids. We stood in line, got the kids all settled in to their seats, got ourselves settled in and were ready to go.  And then it happened.  Two teenagers came up and informed us that unless Sister took her hat off she would have to get off the ride.  It is VERY obvious that she has no hair.  We kindly explained that she had no hair and would not be comfortable with her hat off (note that there are lots of people all waiting to ride and watching this) and that she would hold it on during the ride.  They said NO and explained that people were always loosing their hats on the rides so now they just made people take them off because they couldn't be responsible for all the lost hats, it was policy.  Of course we said that they would not be responsible if she lost her hat and to PLEASE let her ride and that our children were on and we wanted to be with them. They said NO.  So she and I got off and the roller coaster rolled. Our children loved it but we didn't get to see them loving it or hear them screaming and laughing.  People ride with wigs all the time. She could have worn a wig but then her head would have sweated all day. It sucks and I'm still pissed.  We didn't go and complain to management for a few reasons.  It was on the other side of the park, the kids were so excited to ride more rides not sit in an office while we complained, the park wasn't open that much longer and I think we were just so pissed it would have been a scene.  We did get to ride one coaster, all of us together, after we pretty much let the boys running it know that we were getting on with our kids and that that was the end of the discussion.  After that we stopped gripping about it and showed our kids the best time we could! We laughed a lot, rode non roller coaster rides, ate some junk and enjoyed our time together. 

But I'm not through being pissed at Six Flags.  We have season passes and plan on going a lot now that its cooled down and Sister (and the rest of us) won't have a heat stroke. She shouldn't have to wear a wig just so she can ride the coasters - which would probably fly off anyway!. If it was some type of safety hazard then I could understand, but these are not big loop ta loop upside down coasters. We are talking about 40 year old rides that are suitable for 7 year olds. I want to send an email to management and I want them to say that she can ride on any ride and doesn't have to do it bald. I want them to know that she would love to have hair whipping in the wind on a roller coaster. But she has a flowery hat instead.

Six Flags - You Suck (sometimes)

Portion Control

In an effort to trim down the size of my ass I have decided to scale back on my Starbucks. This drink did nothing for me.  Actually, it did do something for me, it left me wanting more. This is about the perfect size to give your child when  they are really tired and you need them to be "on".   Not that I would ever do anything like that.

The Family

This is the place we call Sunset.  My in laws bought it for weekends and we go when we can. Usually there are 8 of us on any given weekend. It's quiet and beautiful. We are free to wake early, sleep in, take naps, hike, swim or play. The only rule at Sunset is that Happy Hour starts at 5:00. The family is serious about this (I so married into the right family!). The children adhere to this ritual as well - the seasons dictate their drinks: cool drinks for warm months and hot chocolate for the cooler ones.  I love that my in laws do this, and that they have given us all such a beautiful place.  This past summer my FIL and Shug put up permanent polls to hang a volleyball/badminton net from.  That was when we discovered that Badminton is the perfect drinkers sport.  One can play badminton with a wine glass in hand or any drink for that matter and it wont spill.  I love that!!! 
Pictured from left to right are:  Shug, HO (my boy), GG (MIL), SIL (who is pregnant!), EB (my girl), and Papa (FIL). Not pictured are me (picture taker) and BIL

Original Dad Outtake

My parents divorced when I was very young and they both remaried before I was three. For the longest time I thought everyone had two families.  As I grew up they all began to see the value in each other and so it was that they grew to become friends and care very much for each other.  This whole set up seems very normal to my children who have spent more than a few holidays with both sets together plus a set of great grandparents thrown in. Recently I realized that my 7 yr old thought that my step dad and step mom had been married to each other before, just as my mom and dad had been married to each other before - then they all switched partners, got divorced, and married the other one - which is swinging not what happened.  And he calls my first dad "original dad" when referring to him in stories. I love that. I always hated saying my "real dad and step dad". A few weekends ago Sister and I took  the children & my dad (the widower) to see my original dad and mama Susie (that's what we call her).  The picture showcases my dads and the video is my original dad. And yes that is a Mohawk he sports. Enjoy! I have NO IDEA why the hell he is doing this.

The Magic Wallet

We stopped at a gas station so everyone, including the dog (Pablo),  could take a bathroom break.  I ran in and bought some ice, refilled the chest in the back of the car and got everybody some water and grapes. And then I took over the driving.  I drove for the next 80 miles up and over an enormous mountain pass.  Everyone in the car, including Pablo, slept. Sometime later everyone woke and it was time to stop again.  We got out, took turns in the bathrooms and I walked the dog.  I was flagged back to the car by Shug. He was standing there at the back just pointing at something. Just pointing, not saying anything.  Which right away sent up a red flag. I mean, to just stand and point?  I took one look at what he was pointing at and shit myself  gasped.  My wallet was laying on the bumper... right where I had laid it when I got out the grapes and water.  While Shug stood around freaking out that not only was my important stuff in there but some of his too - I stood there thinking about my magic wallet.  I was really trying to focus on the magic wallet that stayed on the bumper all that way and not on the fact that I had left my wallet on the bumper!  I wanted Shug to recognize that it was only a wallet and not one of the children or the dog.  I took a picture of it and then we loaded back up, with Shug driving and I promptly took a xanax. And of course I spent the rest of the 7 day trip checking every 15 minutes to make sure that my wallet was in my purse.

The Ash Project makes it to Fairview Peak

The whole family went to Colorado for summer vacation.  I finally climbed to the top of Fairview Peak.  I have been trying to get to the top for several years. I have stopped before making it because I am was lazy, out of shape and it was just to damn hard.  It is after all 13,214 ft.  This year (after much training and prep) I made it.  Once at the top I spread some of mom's ashes - Which leads me to The Ash Project.  My mom's ashes sat on my bookcase for awhile before Sister and I could figure out what to do with them.  Mom (Navae - her name) had always wanted to travel but never actually went many places.  She talked about it, planned it, but never made it.  Maybe the fact that she got sick and died way earlier than she thought she would had something to do with it.  Anyway, Sister and I decided that her ashes should travel and The Ash Project was born.  We have spread them in so many places we love.  We also give them to people who are traveling to neat places and they spread them.  So far her ashes have traveled to some really amazing places on this planet.  From the Taj Mahal to Cuba to Pitkin CO.  And lots of other places.  This is a project that has made my sister and I laugh our heads off (because sometimes it's just funny to say "Mom's on a flight to _____ and I can't believe she's riding in the suitcase") and sometimes it makes us cry because she would love what we are doing so much.  We are really trying to get the blog about it off the ground.  Seems a little harder to create and link the way I want than I thought it would be. And because, as mentioned more than once on this blog, I am lazy.  If your reading this blog (all 3 of you) then you now have a link to the unfinished TAP  blog and you know about the project... so if your traveling anywhere cool or know of a great place to spread some ashes and aren't creeped out by the idea let me know.  Or if your really handy with blog making and want to help get The Ash Project blog to look really kick ass let me know.

I'm Back...

I'm back to blogging.  The title of this post makes it sound like I went somewhere and that is the excuse for the blog sucking with no new post.  But the reality is that I have gone nowhere.  Unless you count the land of the lazy.  I have been to lazy to write here.  I hate that about myself.  It makes me think maybe I'm not really a writer after all.  But I am.  I love to say I'm a writer.  Even if I'm only saying it to myself.  I am officially going to get off my ass and let my true writer self shine through.  But right now I have to go to the grocery, so I will have to write later.  One more thing, I'm still a non-smoker.  Its been 5 months now, or just about.  I think I may have written more when I smoked.  Which clearly is not a reason to start back up. Just saying.

Spring Girls Weekend

It's time for the Spring Girls Weekend.  This time we will be be staying in a hotel in a town with some really great shopping.  We will be shopping and hosting our on SGW Olympics.  What follows are group text messages regarding our planning of the trip.
M- 16 days Ladies, and I use the word ladies loosely.
D- D- Why? Am I a loose lady?
D - 14 days!
C- Fuck, 14?
R- This couldn't come at a better time
D - 10 days
D- 6 days!!!
R- This weekend really couldn't come at a better time, I need the break in a bad kind of way!
M- Hello Ladies! We leave in a mere 4 days so I'm giving out some info. The hotel has free breakfest and I'm bringing gatorade. It has a hot tub for C (if ya know what I mean), extended cable with pay per view porn which should make  D really happy, and a padded room for when R gets way to fucked up and starts talking like her baby!
D- Food and porn. Hell ya!
M- #1. Bring cash...you know why. #2. Reply with what all you are bringing so we can plan accordingly.
 #3. Come prepared to fuck shit up.
C- I'm bringing wine, chips, crackers, and the want to. Want to have a fucking good time!!!
R- I've got #3 covered
D- Shiner, Wine, reeses, Attitude and Moxy.
M- Well fuck ya!
R- Yall want me to make the Oatmeal Odyssey cookies?
M- Bring on the Odyssey because I'm bringing a trip :)  All in the name of love for the coolest bitches I know!
R- Oh hell yes! It's on! I'm so freaking useless today. I can't focus on anything but getting out of town!
D- I've already started the party.
C- I'm on my way now!!!
D- I'm close to your house!
M- Get here!!!
We will be on the road in about 12 hours.  Spring Girls Weekend is the Antidote for all things that suck!

Sno Day 2010

We live in a place where it NEVER snows like this.  When I say never I mean never in recorded history so this is crazy for us to see!

The snow made us all very happy. It also made for a ton of extra laundry but I shouldn't bitch because it will probably never hapen again.

Another Day Another Death I'm still not a Mortician

M - You might not should read this post, you just had a baby which is so happy and wonderful, and your hormones might still be wacky, and this post could be a bit of a downer to you.  So skip to another one!

I hesitate to even write about this death because my followers (the 2 of you) might be getting bored with the death and dying posts.  In 20 months I have lost my mother, my paternal grandmother and now my maternal gradmother.  I realize that everyone experiences death and I still sometimes can't fucking believe the shittyness of this lot.  Is shittyness even a word? Anyway, Sister and I took the children to see Mema for Christmas and a week later she had a stroke, never really recovered, and then Sister and I took her to Hospice and she died the day before mom's birthday. One of the craziest parts is that I feel like Sister and I should change our last name to Reaper because we have to keep sending people to hospice.


 We come from a matriarchal family and have now lost our three strongest women.  Our leaders, the ones who made the decisions, the ones that taught us how to be strong, bossy women, women that don't take anything less than what we deseve from a man.  Somedays the loss feels huge and other days it feels like there is a ton of pressure gone because these women who we have always felt the need to answer to are no longer checking on us.  You know how sometimes you look at a porn star and wonder... what if her mom or grandmother found out? Well, I could so totally be a porn star now because those women are gone from my life.  Not that I would, I'm just saying I could if I wanted.
 
Now Sister and I become those leaders.  We will teach my daughter how to lead, how men should treat her and how she should treat them.  We will show her how to be a fiercly loyal friend, a caretaker of her planet, a woman who knows how to give love and be loved.  And lots more.  We will be able to do this because we had such good teachers.  And she will also, by default, know how to throw an amazing funeral. Because she had watched us plan so many. And I'm not kidding when I say that we know all the ins and outs of funerals and ours rock.
 
PS I am still not smoking! All the stress of the holidays and the dying and still I refuse to take the habit back up!  I may or may not have made my own version of the candy necklace with Xanex, but I haven't smoked!!!

Drug Pusher Posing as Father in Law

This post was originally written in January but just now getting posted. 

I quit smoking.  I picked what might be the shitiest time of year to quit, wait maybe the aniversary of my mom's death might be a worse time but that would be it.  So hear I am on a another fab family vacation with all the in laws and I am now a non smoker. Let me sum up this vacation.  My MIL gets drunk off 2 glasses of wine 3X a day (remember the gastric bypass), BIL still doesn't talk and I'm still not believing that "he's so shy" bullshit, SIL is pretty cool this trip and promises not to post ugly picts of me on FB, and for the grand finalle...my FIL continues to try to force offer me lit cigaretts whenever no one is around while saying shit like "come on, no one will know", and "I won't tell anyone I swear". What the hell? He's like the worst drug pusher ever because he's wearing a grandfather costume.