Monday, September 28, 2009

PMS - It's Not Just for Periods Anymore

I spent a better portion of yesterday thinking about how Mr. Shug and most of the other people I know where total dumb asses. Nobody could do/say anything right, except for me of course. Somewhere around mid afternoon I realized I must be having PMS. This has never been a problem for me but it seems as I get closer to 40 something is changing. I'm pissed just thinking about it. I don't mind at all that I'm almost 40, I'm pissed because now there is the very real possibility that once a month my husband is going to be secretly drawing up divorce papers in his head while my kids whisper to each other that they want me and daddy to split up so they only have to see me every other weekend. I do not want to be a bitch unless I want to be a bitch and PMS leaves me no option. Sister told me to take drugs (prescription, not pot), said she does every month for this reason. After some thinking I decided to get back on my "mommy's chasing butterflies" pill and pop the Xanex when I feel the PMS coming on. Problem solved. BUT THEN... last night as I listened to Mr. Shug droning on and on talking I realized this had nothing to do with was marital. I have been having Post Maritial Syndrome. I'm being a total bitch because I'm married! Armed with this new epiphany, I gave myself PXS - Post Xanex Syndrome, sat on the front porch, smoked cigarettes and sipped on some wine. The wine was thrown in for good measure, I didn't want the Xanex to have to kick the bitchy moods ass all by itself! I just feel empowered knowing that anytime during the month if I'm feeling bitchy and Mr. Shug says "Do you have PMS?" I can say yes and it will be true.


M said...

LOL that is hilarious!!

Beanie said...

I love this!