Original Dad Outtake

My parents divorced when I was very young and they both remaried before I was three. For the longest time I thought everyone had two families.  As I grew up they all began to see the value in each other and so it was that they grew to become friends and care very much for each other.  This whole set up seems very normal to my children who have spent more than a few holidays with both sets together plus a set of great grandparents thrown in. Recently I realized that my 7 yr old thought that my step dad and step mom had been married to each other before, just as my mom and dad had been married to each other before - then they all switched partners, got divorced, and married the other one - which is swinging not what happened.  And he calls my first dad "original dad" when referring to him in stories. I love that. I always hated saying my "real dad and step dad". A few weekends ago Sister and I took  the children & my dad (the widower) to see my original dad and mama Susie (that's what we call her).  The picture showcases my dads and the video is my original dad. And yes that is a Mohawk he sports. Enjoy! I have NO IDEA why the hell he is doing this.

The Magic Wallet

We stopped at a gas station so everyone, including the dog (Pablo),  could take a bathroom break.  I ran in and bought some ice, refilled the chest in the back of the car and got everybody some water and grapes. And then I took over the driving.  I drove for the next 80 miles up and over an enormous mountain pass.  Everyone in the car, including Pablo, slept. Sometime later everyone woke and it was time to stop again.  We got out, took turns in the bathrooms and I walked the dog.  I was flagged back to the car by Shug. He was standing there at the back just pointing at something. Just pointing, not saying anything.  Which right away sent up a red flag. I mean, to just stand and point?  I took one look at what he was pointing at and shit myself  gasped.  My wallet was laying on the bumper... right where I had laid it when I got out the grapes and water.  While Shug stood around freaking out that not only was my important stuff in there but some of his too - I stood there thinking about my magic wallet.  I was really trying to focus on the magic wallet that stayed on the bumper all that way and not on the fact that I had left my wallet on the bumper!  I wanted Shug to recognize that it was only a wallet and not one of the children or the dog.  I took a picture of it and then we loaded back up, with Shug driving and I promptly took a xanax. And of course I spent the rest of the 7 day trip checking every 15 minutes to make sure that my wallet was in my purse.

The Ash Project makes it to Fairview Peak

The whole family went to Colorado for summer vacation.  I finally climbed to the top of Fairview Peak.  I have been trying to get to the top for several years. I have stopped before making it because I am was lazy, out of shape and it was just to damn hard.  It is after all 13,214 ft.  This year (after much training and prep) I made it.  Once at the top I spread some of mom's ashes - Which leads me to The Ash Project.  My mom's ashes sat on my bookcase for awhile before Sister and I could figure out what to do with them.  Mom (Navae - her name) had always wanted to travel but never actually went many places.  She talked about it, planned it, but never made it.  Maybe the fact that she got sick and died way earlier than she thought she would had something to do with it.  Anyway, Sister and I decided that her ashes should travel and The Ash Project was born.  We have spread them in so many places we love.  We also give them to people who are traveling to neat places and they spread them.  So far her ashes have traveled to some really amazing places on this planet.  From the Taj Mahal to Cuba to Pitkin CO.  And lots of other places.  This is a project that has made my sister and I laugh our heads off (because sometimes it's just funny to say "Mom's on a flight to _____ and I can't believe she's riding in the suitcase") and sometimes it makes us cry because she would love what we are doing so much.  We are really trying to get the blog about it off the ground.  Seems a little harder to create and link the way I want than I thought it would be. And because, as mentioned more than once on this blog, I am lazy.  If your reading this blog (all 3 of you) then you now have a link to the unfinished TAP  blog and you know about the project... so if your traveling anywhere cool or know of a great place to spread some ashes and aren't creeped out by the idea let me know.  Or if your really handy with blog making and want to help get The Ash Project blog to look really kick ass let me know.

I'm Back...

I'm back to blogging.  The title of this post makes it sound like I went somewhere and that is the excuse for the blog sucking with no new post.  But the reality is that I have gone nowhere.  Unless you count the land of the lazy.  I have been to lazy to write here.  I hate that about myself.  It makes me think maybe I'm not really a writer after all.  But I am.  I love to say I'm a writer.  Even if I'm only saying it to myself.  I am officially going to get off my ass and let my true writer self shine through.  But right now I have to go to the grocery, so I will have to write later.  One more thing, I'm still a non-smoker.  Its been 5 months now, or just about.  I think I may have written more when I smoked.  Which clearly is not a reason to start back up. Just saying.

Spring Girls Weekend

It's time for the Spring Girls Weekend.  This time we will be be staying in a hotel in a town with some really great shopping.  We will be shopping and hosting our on SGW Olympics.  What follows are group text messages regarding our planning of the trip.
M- 16 days Ladies, and I use the word ladies loosely.
D- D- Why? Am I a loose lady?
D - 14 days!
C- Fuck, 14?
R- This couldn't come at a better time
D - 10 days
D- 6 days!!!
R- This weekend really couldn't come at a better time, I need the break in a bad kind of way!
M- Hello Ladies! We leave in a mere 4 days so I'm giving out some info. The hotel has free breakfest and I'm bringing gatorade. It has a hot tub for C (if ya know what I mean), extended cable with pay per view porn which should make  D really happy, and a padded room for when R gets way to fucked up and starts talking like her baby!
D- Food and porn. Hell ya!
M- #1. Bring cash...you know why. #2. Reply with what all you are bringing so we can plan accordingly.
 #3. Come prepared to fuck shit up.
C- I'm bringing wine, chips, crackers, and the want to. Want to have a fucking good time!!!
R- I've got #3 covered
D- Shiner, Wine, reeses, Attitude and Moxy.
M- Well fuck ya!
R- Yall want me to make the Oatmeal Odyssey cookies?
M- Bring on the Odyssey because I'm bringing a trip :)  All in the name of love for the coolest bitches I know!
R- Oh hell yes! It's on! I'm so freaking useless today. I can't focus on anything but getting out of town!
D- I've already started the party.
C- I'm on my way now!!!
D- I'm close to your house!
M- Get here!!!
We will be on the road in about 12 hours.  Spring Girls Weekend is the Antidote for all things that suck!

Sno Day 2010

We live in a place where it NEVER snows like this.  When I say never I mean never in recorded history so this is crazy for us to see!

The snow made us all very happy. It also made for a ton of extra laundry but I shouldn't bitch because it will probably never hapen again.

Another Day Another Death I'm still not a Mortician

M - You might not should read this post, you just had a baby which is so happy and wonderful, and your hormones might still be wacky, and this post could be a bit of a downer to you.  So skip to another one!

I hesitate to even write about this death because my followers (the 2 of you) might be getting bored with the death and dying posts.  In 20 months I have lost my mother, my paternal grandmother and now my maternal gradmother.  I realize that everyone experiences death and I still sometimes can't fucking believe the shittyness of this lot.  Is shittyness even a word? Anyway, Sister and I took the children to see Mema for Christmas and a week later she had a stroke, never really recovered, and then Sister and I took her to Hospice and she died the day before mom's birthday. One of the craziest parts is that I feel like Sister and I should change our last name to Reaper because we have to keep sending people to hospice.


 We come from a matriarchal family and have now lost our three strongest women.  Our leaders, the ones who made the decisions, the ones that taught us how to be strong, bossy women, women that don't take anything less than what we deseve from a man.  Somedays the loss feels huge and other days it feels like there is a ton of pressure gone because these women who we have always felt the need to answer to are no longer checking on us.  You know how sometimes you look at a porn star and wonder... what if her mom or grandmother found out? Well, I could so totally be a porn star now because those women are gone from my life.  Not that I would, I'm just saying I could if I wanted.
 
Now Sister and I become those leaders.  We will teach my daughter how to lead, how men should treat her and how she should treat them.  We will show her how to be a fiercly loyal friend, a caretaker of her planet, a woman who knows how to give love and be loved.  And lots more.  We will be able to do this because we had such good teachers.  And she will also, by default, know how to throw an amazing funeral. Because she had watched us plan so many. And I'm not kidding when I say that we know all the ins and outs of funerals and ours rock.
 
PS I am still not smoking! All the stress of the holidays and the dying and still I refuse to take the habit back up!  I may or may not have made my own version of the candy necklace with Xanex, but I haven't smoked!!!